If you’re on a dating site, chances are you don’t want to waste your time and end up with the wrong person. After all, when it comes to online dating, it can get pretty overwhelming trying to figure out who’s worth a shot and who’s just not worth your time, right? Especially if you’re middle-aged.
Maybe you’ve moved on from a past relationship or a broken marriage, and you’re looking to start fresh. So, you might think that these days, finding love online is the easiest way to go.
But here’s the thing. If you’re not careful, you could end up with someone who’s just not the right fit for you, you know? Worse, you might end up in a narcissistic relationship.
Don’t worry though. In this Topic, you’ll discover how you can stop wasting time with the wrong people on dating sites and start focusing on finding real love.
Number 1: You’re struggling with codependency.
First up, you need to do some self-reflection if you have red flags of your own. You know, there’s a truth to dating that many people fail to recognize. And it’s that people often end up in unsatisfying relationships because they have unresolved personal issues.
One common issue is codependency. This is when someone cares too much about what others think, which overshadows their self-worth. As a result, they struggle to find a strong sense of self and tend to get into one-sided relationships. What’s more, they put others’ needs before their own in an unhealthy way.
This is driven by a deep fear of being abandoned due to past experiences of physical, mental, emotional, or psychological abandonment, especially when they were between the ages of zero and seven. But their codependency issues can also be triggered by abandonment they experienced later in life as adults.
Now, for those dealing with codependency, online dating can be quite tricky. Without face-to-face interactions or the ability to read body language, even a simple pause during a phone call can trigger unnecessary worries. And let’s not even get started on text-based communication. It often leaves them wondering why someone takes so long to reply, which only adds to their anxieties.
So, you see, online dating can be a slippery slope for individuals struggling with codependency. And if they don’t address that issue, they may end up being drawn to practically anyone who seems to offer them the reassurance they crave. These include people with a ton of red flags themselves. That’s why it’s crucial to address codependency before diving into the world of online dating.
By doing so, you can navigate relationships more consciously, making sure you choose the right partner based on genuine compatibility and shared values.
Number 2: They only give you breadcrumbs, not the full meal.
Have you ever noticed how breadcrumbs can look pretty tempting when you’ve never really had a full meal? It’s kind of the same when you’re navigating the dating scene.
Perhaps you just got out of a toxic relationship. And you find yourself interested in someone who’s the exact opposite of your ex-partner, so you’re giving them your undivided attention and making them the center of your world. But what do you get in return? Hardly anything! You might even have to beg for their time and attention, and they’ll only give it to you because you asked.
If that sounds familiar, well, let’s have an honest conversation about this. What they’re doing just isn’t enough. It’s like you’re serving them a full meal. And all they give you in return are breadcrumbs.
So here’s the thing. If someone you’ve made the center of your universe is only giving you breadcrumbs, yet they keep taking what you give them, that’s a red flag. They’re not the right person for you. You’re an incredible individual, and you deserve way more than just breadcrumbs. You deserve better than that. So why hold on when you shouldn’t?
Number 3: They act in a certain way that makes you keep proving yourself to them.
Perhaps you have been so accustomed to feeling unloved and unseen. That’s why when someone shows you attention, it can feel like it’s proof that you matter to someone. As such, you would do anything for them, right?
Well, imagine this. Let’s say you’re seeing someone who lives on the same street as you. So, he sees you whenever you arrive from work. Then, just as you’ve unlocked your door, you immediately get a text from them saying, “I’ll give you five minutes to get here.” So, you hurriedly toss your stuff from work and run to meet them. You’re hoping to arrive within four minutes because you’re desperate to prove your love.
If you succeeded, maybe he would finally tell you, “See, you are deserving of my love,” right? But do you think that’s healthy? For us, it’s not. The truth is that constantly yielding to the needs of others and proving your worthiness to someone are examples of dysfunctional behavior. That’s people-pleasing, and that’s not something you should do.
Why? Because if you don’t break the cycle by walking away, you’ll keep trying to prove to that person that you deserve to receive their love. But that won’t happen. And they’ll even recognize and leverage the power they know they have over you. That person, of course, isn’t right for you.
Believe us when we say you’re not brought to this earth to become a doormat. It’s not your life’s purpose to know what people need and want and be the one to give it to them. You shouldn’t be everyone to someone. Now, allow us to tell you how you can overcome your people-pleasing behavior. And the key to all that is by learning to put yourself first. Learn to do things for your sake and prioritize yourself.
Overcome your tendency to put others first and yourself last. Remember, with the right person, you won’t have to prove yourself to them. Let alone do it over and over.
Number 4: You chase after them.
Sometimes, you have to be honest with yourself and ask, “Am I chasing after this person?” Why? The thing is, many people on dating sites tend to chase after others. And guess what? This happens offline, too! Even Oprah herself admitted to pursuing men she was interested in.
So, if you’re in the dating scene and feeling unsatisfied with the current state of your relationship with someone, take a moment to reflect if you’re being a chaser. Ask yourself if you’re genuinely pursuing them while getting minimal time and attention in return.
Because here’s the thing. Some people enjoy being chased by someone they know is attracted to them. And if they’re making you chase them through text messages, for example, they’ll probably keep making you work for their affection.
Now, if you realize that you’re indeed chasing after someone, it might be best to end it. Because let’s face it, pouring your affection into a bottomless void is just not worth it.
Number 5: You’re in a one-way text situation.
Have you ever been in a situation where you’re the one always starting the text conversations? And if you don’t, the other person doesn’t reach out? It makes you wonder, “Do they care about me? Am I even on their mind? Do they want to get to know me?” That’s what we call a one-way texting scenario.
Remember, when someone is genuinely interested in you, their actions will speak louder than words. And if someone is truly worth your time, they won’t make you chase after them, right? You’ll be able to feel their enthusiasm, even through text messages.
So, if you find yourself constantly chasing them through texts, it’s a red flag. And this applies whether you’re just getting to know each other or already in a relationship. But there’s something much worse than this scenario.
Number 6: They take way too long to answer your texts, if at all.
In today’s world, it’s hard to find someone who isn’t constantly glued to their cell phone, right? Of course, there are exceptions, and we applaud those individuals who can live without being attached to their phones
But when you’re in the online dating space and getting to know people through apps, it’s safe to assume that your phone is always within reach. So, there’s no valid reason to delay responding to a text message for days, even weeks, or not at all.
If you find yourself dealing with someone who consistently ignores your texts, it’s clear that they either want you to chase them or they simply aren’t interested. And in either case, it’s not worth investing your time and effort into someone who isn’t reciprocating your interest.
Think about it this way. Would you continue to stay at a restaurant where the staff makes you wait for hours to take your order, even when there are plenty of empty tables available? We doubt it. Most likely, you would choose to take your business elsewhere, where your presence and patronage are genuinely appreciated.
So, why not apply the same principle to your dating life? If someone isn’t responding to your texts, don’t waste your valuable time and energy on them.
Number 7: Texting someone who’s not interested. Here’s another red flag you might not be aware of.
Perhaps you’re constantly texting people who clearly aren’t showing any interest. Ever wondered why? Well, it could be because you’re seeking that instant gratification. You know, that rush you get when you finally see their reply pop up on your screen. It’s addictive, isn’t it?
But here’s the thing. The more lonely and desperate we feel for a relationship, the easier it is to hold on when we should let go.
So, you’ve got to be honest with yourself. Take a good look in the mirror, and find that strength to do what’s best for you.