In today’s article, we’re delving into a topic that resonates with many of us: the intricate dynamics that unfold when you decide to make no contact with a narcissist. It’s a question that sparks curiosity, exploring the nuances of the narcissist’s mindset when faced with the prospect of complete communication cessation.
The narcissist’s reaction is intricately tied to the duration of your association, whether it spans years or just a few months. The depth and length of your relationship significantly influence the narcissist’s response when you choose to embrace a no-contact approach. The more extensive your history with them, the clearer the patterns in their behavior as you initiate the no-contact phase.
So, when you cut off communication with a narcissist and go for a no-contact approach, they might act like they’re tough, thinking they can break your resolve. They figure, “I’ll make you come to me; I won’t be the one chasing.” They see themselves as superior because they think you being emotional and empathetic seems weak to them. They plan to wait until you can’t handle it anymore and reach out.
Why? Well, in the eyes of a narcissist, emotions and having a heart make you look vulnerable. The more emotional you are, the more they believe you’ll eventually cave in and get in touch with them. This is what they’re thinking when you decide to cut off contact with a narcissist.
It’s crucial to stick to your decision. No contact means avoiding them entirely, no matter the situation, whether it’s their birthday or even their mom’s birthday. Even if you get along with her, keeping no contact tells them you want nothing to do with them, making it clear the relationship is over.
When you start the no-contact thing, don’t expect the narcissist to be overly concerned about you being absent. They lack empathy, so they won’t be worried about your well-being. Instead, they quickly shift their focus to finding someone else to pay attention to. Often, they’ve already got someone in mind, someone they might have been talking to while still with you.
Narcissists make sure they have a backup plan so they’re never alone, something they fear. Always seeking validation and interaction, they keep alternatives ready. So when you go no contact, they turn their attention to their new supply, actively seeking out other sources of attention, just like it’s their usual way of doing things. With you out of the picture, the narcissist gets all caught up in their new source of attention, enjoying the novelty. At the same time, they reach out to others just in case the new connection doesn’t work out.
Your well-being isn’t a priority for them at this stage. Over time, though, the narcissist might get bored or run into problems with their current attention source. Or maybe the new person is harder to control than they thought. This is when thoughts of you might pop back into their head.
But be ready for the fact that they won’t offer closure. Narcissists like to keep their options open and avoid burning bridges. The only time a narcissist might back off for good is after a big ugly conflict. Not every narcissist comes back, but a lot of them do. Whether they do or not depends on how intense your breakup was and whether you still have something valuable they want.
If you have something they desire, whether it’s physical intimacy, money, a business, a nice place to live, or anything else, they might think about coming back to see if you’re up for getting back together. This usually involves them using hovering tactics, trying to draw you back into the relationship.
Their return often lines up with them getting tired of the new source or thinking enough time has passed for their emotions to settle. Maybe you went no contact after catching on to their manipulative games or suspecting them of cheating or gaslighting. The narcissist waits it out, gets into the new relationship, and then decides to waltz back into your life. That’s when the hoovering begins.
You might get messages like, “How have you been?” or “Long time no talk,” or “I miss you.” The narcissist wants to pull you back in without dealing with the previous issues that led to no contact. They act like nothing happened. You’re in a tough spot, realizing the narcissist wasn’t who they pretended to be. Their promises of a shared future and the love they showed were all lies.
You’re left feeling heartbroken, confused, and bewildered about the sudden shift from lovey-dovey to indifferent. Once the narcissist thinks they’ve got you, the affection drops because in their eyes, they’ve already got you, and they start looking for someone new to keep in reserve. It’s like a game for them, always wanting more and struggling to appreciate a good person when they have one.
They’re greedy, always thinking about what else they can get, maybe from someone else on the side while keeping you around. So when you figure out the narcissist’s tricky games and decide to cut off contact, they quickly find someone else to focus on, whether you know it or not. They’ll probably try to pull you back in later.
People often wonder, do narcissists miss you during no contact? Well, you need to get that a narcissist thinks differently than you. They might miss the stuff you did for them, but they won’t miss you like you’re one of a kind or their true love. If they loved you, they wouldn’t risk losing you. Trust me on this; I’ve seen enough in life to be sure.
A narcissist wouldn’t take a chance on losing you to someone else if they truly cared about you. Even if they kind of like you, their main focus is always going to be themselves. They’ll be all wrapped up in their new attention source and won’t be too worried about how you’re doing. Lots of narcissists think you’ll stick around forever, that you won’t move on, and that nobody else could ever match the interest you once had for them.
They act super confident, thinking that even if you’re not talking to them, you’ll be right there when they decide to return after messing around with someone else. That’s the story playing out in their heads. What shakes a narcissist is finding out you’ve started dating someone else.
That’s when they don’t like the idea of someone else getting what they once had. How much they care depends on what’s going on in the narcissist’s life. If they’re juggling multiple sources of attention, they won’t worry much about what you’re up to. But during a slow period or when they’re dealing with problems, that’s when they might pop back up. They’ll try to pull you back in with hoovering, love bombing, and attempts to get you back in their life.
When a narcissist tries to Hug you back, ask yourself this: if this person loved or cared about me, would they have taken the chance of losing me? True love would have made them deal with problems instead of showing up again months or years later.
If you have no contact with a narcissist and they don’t try to reconnect for a long time, it might mean their attachment to you isn’t as strong as you thought. Remember, a narcissist’s main focus is themselves. If they do try to come back, it’s usually because things didn’t work out elsewhere or they still want something you can offer. They might also think they can still control you and will check to see if you respond.
Getting into a conversation with the narcissist unknowingly shows you’re vulnerable to their tricks. Think about your experiences with this person: the lies, manipulation, and maybe even betrayal. They weren’t honest and sold you a fake dream.
Spending time with them is a common mistake that keeps the cycle of narcissistic behavior going. They might use their looks to try and draw you back in; thinking charm will do the trick. But being good-looking doesn’t mean they’re valuable; both narcissists and regular people can look good. In some cases, when a narcissist doesn’t have much else going for them, they might use their looks to mess with people. People often fall for it, swayed by the narcissist’s good looks and thinking about getting back together.
But remember, letting a narcissist back into your life only restarts the cycle of abuse. They might change their behavior for a little while, maybe a month or two if you’re lucky, but the same old problems will come back. Ghosting becomes a regular thing. If a narcissist manages to get you back, they might play with you while dealing with other sources at the same time.
They might call you desperate or naive because you let them back into your life. Once they realize they’ve got you again, they’ll probably show even less respect for you. They figure that even if you argue and stop talking again, you’ll still be there for them. Doing this over and over with a narcissist makes you look desperate. Each time you come back signals that you’re okay with their behavior, and that makes you less valuable in their eyes.
It’s really important to deal with problems in your relationship from the start. Sure, there will be disagreements, and sometimes people need some space, but taking long breaks is bad for a relationship. During those breaks, both people might talk to or date other folks. When you get back together, those times apart can become a big problem, leading to questions about what happened during the break. This adds to the issues that caused the breakup in the first place.
If you can’t solve problems and find a middle ground, maybe the relationship isn’t meant to last, especially in serious relationships or marriages with kids. Working out problems is super important; kids’ lives are affected by what’s going on, so it’s not just about you but also about them.
It’s crucial to think about your actions and how they affect others. Sadly, lots of people act without really thinking about how their choices impact those around them or their families. When you go for a no-contact approach, make sure it’s a clean break. Say goodbye, recognize how toxic the relationship was, and realize that the bad ones way overshadowed any good times with the narcissist.
A relationship with no trust is just not worth it, and living in constant fear of being deceived is no way to live. Even though going no contact might be tough and lonely at times, it’s way better than wasting your life in a toxic relationship.
If you let a narcissist keep crossing your boundaries, things will only get worse until one of you walks away. Life is fleeting, and investing time in the wrong relationships can be a serious mistake. Drawing from personal experience, I urge you to exercise wisdom, cherish your time, and avoid individuals lacking transparency, engaging in deception, or playing games.
For mature connections, embrace the no-contact strategy with narcissists, using the gray rock method: become unremarkable, unresponsive, and emotionally detached. Block them across all platforms, and if others connected to them inquire, maintain a resolute silence. If you share children with a narcissist, manage interactions through legal representatives following court-issued directives. This pragmatic approach ensures effective no-contact.